Fast Food. That's what I think of when I try to draw an analogy with the process of reading application essays.
每當(dāng)我閱讀申請(qǐng)文書的時(shí)候就感覺像在吃快餐。
The bad. Ninety percent of the applications I read contain what I call McEssays - usually five-paragraph essays that consist primarily of abstractions and unsupported generalization. They are technically correct in that they are organized and have the correct sentence structure and spelling, but they are boring. Sort of like a Big Mac. I have nothing against Big Macs, but the one I eat in Charlottesville is not going to be fundamentally different from the one I eat in Paris, Peoria or Palm Springs. I am not going to rave about the quality of a particular Big Mac. The same can be said about the generic essay. If an essay starts out: "I have been a member of the band and it has taught me leadership, perseverance and hard work," I can almost recite the rest of the essay without reading it. Each of the three middle paragraphs gives a bit of support to an abstraction, and the final paragraph restates what has already been said. A McEssay is not wrong, but it is not going to be a positive factor in the admission decision. It will not allow a student to stand out.
失敗的文書：我讀過的百分之九十的申請(qǐng)文書都可稱作是漢堡包文書---五段式的結(jié)構(gòu)，內(nèi)容空洞，缺乏事例和細(xì)節(jié)。在結(jié)構(gòu)，字句及拼寫上雖然無錯(cuò)，但枯燥乏味，就如同一個(gè)麥當(dāng)勞的大漢堡。不是我對(duì)漢堡有什么意見，但是我在Charlottesville當(dāng)?shù)爻缘降奈兜来蟾藕驮赑aris, Peoria 或 Palm Springs吃到的沒有多大不同。因此，我絕對(duì)不會(huì)特別夸贊某個(gè)漢堡有什么獨(dú)到之處。這和那些枯燥的申請(qǐng)文書一樣。如果一篇文章如此開頭：“我曾參加過一個(gè)樂隊(duì)，這段經(jīng)歷培養(yǎng)了我的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)能力，堅(jiān)忍不拔的毅力和努力工作的精神，”我無須讀完就可以猜到下文了。中間三段每段都會(huì)先有一句抽象的話，然后略微有一些支撐材料，再在最后一段重申一下已經(jīng)講過的內(nèi)容。一篇漢堡式的文章并沒有錯(cuò)，但是不會(huì)對(duì)你的申請(qǐng)起到任何積極作用，因?yàn)樗粫?huì)使你顯得與眾不同。
A student who uses vague abstractions poured into a preset form will end up being interpreted as a vague series of abstractions. A student who uses cliché becomes, in effect, a cliché. If we are what we eat, we are also what we write.
一個(gè)把大量模棱兩可的抽象語言澆注到固定模子中的學(xué)生把自己也塑造成了一系列模棱兩可的抽象形象。一個(gè)喜歡使用陳詞濫調(diào)的學(xué)生在別人眼里自身就很陳舊。如果說我們吃的食物塑造著我們的形象，我們的寫作風(fēng)格同樣如此。
Not only does a preset form lead to a generic essay, so does a generic approach to what is perceived as the right topic. Far too many students begin the search of what to write about by asking: What does my college want to hear? The thinking goes something like this: If I can figure out what they are looking for, and if I can make myself look like that, then I'll improve my chances.
不但一個(gè)固定的形式會(huì)造就一篇平淡無奇的文書，用一種常規(guī)的思路去理解什么才是該寫的內(nèi)容同樣會(huì)使文書枯燥乏味。當(dāng)考慮寫什么的問題時(shí)，太多的學(xué)生首先想到的是：我要申請(qǐng)的學(xué)校想聽什么？他們的思路是：如果我知道大學(xué)的申請(qǐng)委員會(huì)想要什么，而且把自己表現(xiàn)成他們想要的樣子，我的勝算就會(huì)更大。
Several years ago we asked students to describe an invention or creation from the past that was important to them. Our No.1 response - at least a thousand people - was the Declaration of Independence. This might make some people think that our college bound students are wonderfully patriotic, but given that my institution was found by Thomas Jefferson, I have a better answer. My guess is that a significant portion of the people who chose the Declaration did so because they thought we would want to hear about how much they admired Thomas Jefferson. While this may be a noble sentiment or, in some cases, a cynical maneuver, it ultimately meant that we had a thousand essays that sounded pretty much alike and therefore did not affect the admission decision. We are not looking for students who all think the same way, believe the same thing, or write the same essay.
幾年前我們的文書題目曾讓學(xué)生描述歷史上一項(xiàng)他們認(rèn)為重要的發(fā)明創(chuàng)造。我們收到的回答中最多的是獨(dú)立宣言（注：作者是弗吉尼亞大學(xué)的申請(qǐng)官）---至少一千份?？雌饋磉@些申請(qǐng)人似乎相當(dāng)有愛國激情，但如果想想弗吉尼亞大學(xué)的創(chuàng)建者是杰斐遜，你就該明白個(gè)中緣由了吧。我想相當(dāng)一部分選擇這個(gè)答案的申請(qǐng)人認(rèn)為我們很希望聽到他們談?wù)撍麄兪侨绾蔚匮瞿浇莒尺d。無論這是發(fā)自內(nèi)心的真摯感情，還是投機(jī)取巧的手段，結(jié)果都一樣---我們看了一千份大同小異的文書而沒對(duì)任何一份留下什么印象。我們并不希望錄取在思維方式，信仰和寫作風(fēng)格上都千篇一律的學(xué)生。
Too often, however students who want to avoid sounding generic with respect to form or content choose exactly the wrong remedy; they think that bigger topics - or bigger words - are better. But it is almost impossible, in 500 words, to write well about vast topics such as the death of a loved one (see excerpt: "the bad"). I am not advocating longer essays (just remember how many applications admissions officers need to read); I am advocating essays with a sharp focus that allows for detail. Detail is what differentiates one essay from another, one applicant from another.
這樣的情況時(shí)有發(fā)生：學(xué)生越是想在內(nèi)容和結(jié)構(gòu)上避免雷同，越是犯錯(cuò)：他們認(rèn)為題目越大或者用詞越大越好。但是想用500字寫好例如親人去世這樣大的題目幾乎是不可能的。同樣我也不贊同把文書寫得越長越好（記住申請(qǐng)官的閱讀量有多大）；我認(rèn)為好文書應(yīng)該有鮮明的中心和大量細(xì)節(jié)。細(xì)節(jié)的質(zhì)量才是把一篇文書與另一篇區(qū)分開，把一個(gè)申請(qǐng)人與另一個(gè)區(qū)分開的關(guān)鍵。
Instead of detail, however, students try to impress us with big words. In trying to make a topic sound intellectual, students resort to the thesaurus and, as a result, end up sounding pretentious or at least insecure about using the voice they would use to describe an event to a friend. The student assumes that these "impressive" words intensify the experience for a reader rather than diminish it. Before students send off their essay, they should always read it aloud to someone who knows them well; let that person decide if an individual voice comes through.
可學(xué)生們往往喜歡用大而空的詞語來代替細(xì)節(jié)，企圖以此來給申請(qǐng)官留下好印象。他們不惜查詞典尋覓大詞來使自己的文章看起來更智慧，實(shí)際效果適得其反，這些文書顯得矯揉造作，或者至少表露出他們對(duì)于使用平常與朋友聊天似的口吻來寫文書的不自信。這些學(xué)生覺得使用這些了不起的大詞會(huì)加深給讀者的印象而不是起到反作用。我建議學(xué)生在投遞申請(qǐng)材料前，把申請(qǐng)文書對(duì)著一個(gè)熟悉自己的人大聲讀出來，讓那個(gè)人來判斷該文是否體現(xiàn)了你的個(gè)性。
The good. A good essay is not good because of the topic but because of the voice. A good writer can make any topic interesting, and a weak writer can make even the most dramatic topic a bore.
優(yōu)秀的文書：一篇文書優(yōu)秀不是因?yàn)轭}材特殊而是因?yàn)橛袀€(gè)性。一個(gè)好作者能把任何題目寫得生動(dòng)有趣，而一個(gè)糟糕的作者能把最戲劇化的題材寫得枯燥乏味。
Students need only to recall the difference between two simple concepts - showing and telling. A good essay always shows; a weak essay always tells.
學(xué)生只需想想兩個(gè)簡單概念間的區(qū)別---描繪和敘述，就能知道好文章與差文章的差距了。好文章描繪，差文章只敘述。
By showing, a writer appeals to all of the senses, not just the visual. To show means to provide a feast for the eyes, ears and, depending on the essay, the mouth, nose or skin. But rather than telling a reader what show is, it is much easier to show what showing is.
描繪的時(shí)候，作者能調(diào)動(dòng)讀者所有的感官而不僅僅是視覺。描繪意味著給讀者的視覺，聽覺，甚至味覺，嗅覺和觸覺來一場盛宴。請(qǐng)看下邊的實(shí)例：
The student whose essay appears below, an example of "the good," has undertaken the task of describing - that is, of showing, in detail - the deterioration of her father as he gets treated for cancer. I do not know of a single member of our staff who was not deeply affected by this essay, the whole of which is as well done as the excerpt. What is impressive about the essay is the willingness of the writer to carefully notice everything that is happening. She opens with a sound, that coughing, and then creates a visual scene that we can see clearly. I said before that writing about death and sickness is perhaps one of the most difficult topics to tackle in a college essay, but here we have an example of why this topic can demonstrate not only writing ability but the courage to face a terrible situation head-on with intellect and power. Compare this with the other essay about death. There, even though the writer was saturated with emotions, he was merely telling us, in abstract terms, what he felt.
下邊這段節(jié)選是一個(gè)優(yōu)秀的運(yùn)用細(xì)節(jié)來描繪的例子：她描寫了父親在接受癌癥治療過程中身體狀況的逐漸惡化。我們申請(qǐng)委員會(huì)的每個(gè)成員都被這篇文書深深地打動(dòng)。這篇文書最令人難忘的地方是作者對(duì)于周圍事物無比細(xì)微的觀察。文章用父親的一聲咳嗽開頭，接著給讀者描繪了一幅清晰的畫面。我前邊提到過疾病與死亡大概是在申請(qǐng)文書有限的字?jǐn)?shù)內(nèi)最難寫好的話題之一，但這里我們看到一個(gè)成功的例子。這篇文書不但體現(xiàn)了作者的寫作能力，同時(shí)還有勇于直面一個(gè)如此可怕的情況的智慧和力量。把這篇和另外一篇關(guān)于死亡的文書做個(gè)比較。在另外一篇中，雖然作者滿懷感情，但他卻只是用抽象的語言來敘述他的感受。
A writer who shows respects the intelligence of the reader; a writer who tells focuses on the ideas, or the perceived ideas, behind the details. He or she is more concerned about demonstrating the ability to be abstract than the ability to be precise. In a short, personal essay, precision is power.
一個(gè)擅長描繪的作者尊重讀者的聰明才智；一個(gè)只敘述的作者注重的是細(xì)節(jié)后邊所要表達(dá)的思想感情。這樣的作者更關(guān)心的是展示他們抽象表達(dá)的能力，而不是觀察和描述精準(zhǔn)的能力。但是在一篇短小而個(gè)性化的文章中，準(zhǔn)確才是最大的亮點(diǎn)。
The risky. Any student who has already learned the basics of showing should think about taking a risk on the college essay. What kind of risk? Think about starting an essay with: "I sat in the back of the police car." Or, as in the example (below): "The woman wanted breasts." These first sentences use what journalists call a hook. The sentence reaches out from the page and grabs our attention. It creates a bit of controversy and an expectation that the writer might be willing to take academic risks in the classroom. A good hook does not mean that a good essay will follow, but it does mean that a reader will look forward to seeing what will unfold.
冒險(xiǎn)的文書：基本懂得了如何描繪的學(xué)生應(yīng)該考慮在寫作的時(shí)候冒點(diǎn)風(fēng)險(xiǎn)。什么樣的險(xiǎn)值得冒？例如這樣開頭：“我坐在警車的后排座上。”或者，“這個(gè)女人一心想要隆胸。”這樣的開頭使用了記者們常說的誘餌。這樣的句子仿佛從紙上伸出手一把抓住了讀者的注意力。它制造了一份大膽的懸念，大膽到有爭議，而錄取官往往從中也看到申請(qǐng)人在未來大學(xué)學(xué)習(xí)中也許同樣是那個(gè)在學(xué)術(shù)領(lǐng)域敢于想別人之不敢想的創(chuàng)新者。當(dāng)然，一個(gè)好的開頭不代表下文一定是一篇好文章，但它能確保讀者會(huì)迫不及待地往下看。
A risky essay can border on the offensive. In some cases, as in the excerpt, it is possible that a few readers might write off an applicant based upon questionable taste. That is the danger of taking a risk. People wonder if they will be penalized if they do take a risk in an application. They want to know, in other words, if there is any risk in taking a risk. Yes, there is. I can say, however, that my experience in the admissions field has led me to conclude the great majority of admissions officers are an open-minded lot and that to err on the side of the baroque might not be as bad as to stay in the comfort of the boring.
一篇冒險(xiǎn)的文書有時(shí)候也會(huì)令人反感。一些情況下，如在下邊例子中，有些讀者會(huì)因?yàn)橘|(zhì)疑作者的品味而對(duì)申請(qǐng)人全盤否定。這是冒險(xiǎn)的代價(jià)。學(xué)生經(jīng)常懷疑是否會(huì)因?yàn)閷懸黄竽懙奈臅艿綉土P。也就是說，冒險(xiǎn)本身是不是冒險(xiǎn)呢？是的。但根據(jù)我本人在申請(qǐng)領(lǐng)域的工作經(jīng)歷，絕大多數(shù)申請(qǐng)官思想開放，因此在獵奇方面冒一點(diǎn)險(xiǎn)比寫一篇隨大流的枯燥文書要好得多。
The best essays are crafted not from a formula for success but by a voice that is practiced. Those who are willing to take a risk, to focus on that part of the world that matters to them and to show the passion and the practice it takes to write about it well, will help their chances of admission through their essay.
最好的文書不是遵循任何所謂的成功模式寫出來的，而是能夠表達(dá)一個(gè)經(jīng)過反復(fù)錘煉的獨(dú)特的聲音。那些新穎大膽的文書，那些能體現(xiàn)出作者真正關(guān)心身邊生活并且為了寫好它傾注了激情和努力的文書會(huì)幫助申請(qǐng)人在申請(qǐng)過程中脫穎而出。
Excerpts from essays to U.Va.
--The bad: From an early age, we accept death as the inevitable, but do not comprehend its actual denotation. Death is the impending future that all people must eventually grasp. In my early teens, my grandfather tragically perished. As a youth who did not identify with such a cataclysm I was saturated with various emotions. Initially, I was grieved by the loss of a loved one and could not understand why this calamity had to befall upon my family. I always considered death to have a devastating effect, but was shocked by the emotional strain it places upon an individual.
--The good: The coughing came first, the hacking in the middle of the night. Then there were the multiple doctor visits, each one the same: the little white rooms with magazines where I tried not to stare at the bald, gaunt woman across from me. One of the white coats finally said something, steadily, forecasting an 80 percent change of rain. The list of second opinions grew too long to count, looking for someone to say the right thing. Finally, there was relief in hearing the name of a kinder killer: lymphoma.
--The risky: The woman wanted breasts. She had fame waiting on her like a slave, money dripping from her fingertips and men diving into her being. Yet she wanted breasts because the world wanted her to have a bust. She looked at the big black and white glossy of herself arching on a silken carpet and knew that the world would be satisfied with her airbrush deception.
------------This woman is us. My family has been in existence for nearly 20 years now, and we are aging and losing our own breasts and tight face - the giddy happiness of a child's unconditional love for his family, the young family's need for each other. Yet, we are constantly pressured by society's family icons into compromising our change and age instead of accepting it.
以上就是弗吉尼亞大學(xué)招生官談文書的全部內(nèi)容了，希望對(duì)大家有所幫助。